Hello once again from germany!

hey there everybody it is me Jan! As you all know we got a dog.....well at least looks like a dog lol. He is a joy and we both love him to death, his name is wolfgang, he is a great dog but we are both ready to be over the puppy phase. Me and Jackie are doin great we are getting married hopefully in September but we have to make sure the army is ok with that, the army is pretty picky about letting people have time off! But if all goes well Me and jackie will be moving to fort stuart GA. we are both excited and can't wait to finally be together. The things that we both would love to do there is, go to new york to see statue of liberty and ground zero and have some of that good ole new york style pizza everyone seems to love! another thing we would love to do is go to a nascar race and dress up like hard core hicks to fit in lol we will take plenty of pics for all of you stalkers! we want to go to disney world cause disney land isn't all that much fun anymore, maybe if you are 8-12 then ya it would be fun but we both love the extreme rides! another thing i just thought of was we could go to mount rushmoore that would be cool right???? well i think it would be cool, jackies parents and maybe some of our siblings and tim and ang want to come out and visit by the time they come out we will have all the great spots to go out to! well that pretty much sums up whats in my head so with that i will see and hear from all of you soon! oh ya we also got our ingagment pics done one of our great friends did them for us, her name is kacy, it is my cousin nicks wife, she did a great job and we love the pics we will post them soon! if you want to know more about it she has a bussiness it is called The Frame they do great work thanks again kacy. well i miss all of you hope to hear from you soon!

don't jugde by looks. ferocious things come in small packages.

meet Wolfgang.


Life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to.. But don't forget the good things that have happened.

Ok soooo I haven't written in sometime. A lot of things have happened in the last couple of months. And I wrote the following blog before the engagement was broken off and I didn't think I should post it. But things are looking up and I wanted to share a little about my time in England because I had soooo much fun with Hannah... Life is definitely full of surprises. So I can't wait to see what we can post about next! but for now here is the post from forever ago....

Howdy. I found out my problem. When things happen I don't write. So when I have time to write I have so much to say. That is why they are so long. I learned my lesson in procrastination. Too bad I will never apply the lessons I have learned.

Well I thought it was about time to write a "short" post about my lovely time in England since it has been a couple weeks since I have been back. I will try to make it as short and sweet as possible, because I got a little carried away on my last posts. But when you go to Europe... stuff happens. And there is nothing you can do about it, but share the awkward, funny, embarrassing, weird moments you had. So instead of letting you in on everything I decided to write 25 of my top memories while I was there.

1. Eating in a cafeteria (that looks similar to Hogwarts dining hall) under false ID. The food wasn't always as bad as it looked. And who hates free food with interesting stories... (not interesting stories about the food lol but eating while listening to peoples stories)

2. Waking up in Hannah's bed one morning and realizing she was on the floor and I was the nuisance on her bed. That was not supposed to happen. I promise. (sorry Hannah)

3. Celebrated the Irish day by eating two whole pizza's with pepperoni that tasted like dog while watching a movie about being skinny.

4. Holding up the bus line trying to give the bus driver Latin money. Surprise! They only take pounds and pents. I still have no idea where I got a Latin coin.

5. Me and Hannah stalking an old English woman and trying to take a picture because we thought she was a cute old lady. As we passed she said "You're looking lovely today ladies" in her cute British accent.

6. Being introduced to City Centre. I had many great experiences there... Hannah and Taylor had to take separate turns waiting for me while I stared at boots in the shoe store... Three words: Poka dot muffin.... Primark = craziness. I still am sad that I didn't get the muffin and kitty one's Taylor!

7. Walking through the gardens Hannah lives in. Birds were always chirping like in the movies.

8. Walking home from the grocery story like a very sketchy person with no bags and pushing a shoping cart that is impossible to steer on a crowded street.. as Hannah just laughed and took pictures.

9. Having 80+ pounds of luggage take me down stairs... as Hannah just laughed and took pictures.

10. Trying to explaining to the grocery clerk why I was buying that ridiculous mound of candy so I didn't feel so embarrassed.

11. And my favorite...... Chatsworth! Simply amazing and so much fun. It felt like I was back on my study abroad again.

12. All we had to go through to get to and from Chatsworth. Ran a couple of miles after diner, barely making our train, train window broke, missed a bus, stupid bus drivers, so on and so forth.

13. Found FISH AND CHIPS and ate it! The girls on my study abroad would be proud. We couldn't find it when we were here. It was delightful.

14. Hannah, Taylor, and I 's adventure to London with six large heavy suit cases. Be sorry you missed that... We spent the night in London looking at sights. I loved it.... And crapaffair. YUmmY.

15. Our many trips to Asda's (aka Aslan for those who have the Lion on their mind). If you are not a avid fan of dessert/candy, then you would not understand and appreciate the aisles in Europe. It blows your mind why american's are over weight and they are not.

16. The underwear bag. And listening to people's reaction to the underwear bag.

17. Good late night talks with Han.

18. Listening to Hannah's roommate talk to her boyfriend. Some people are questionable.

19. Seeing my favorite tattoo. It's okay if you didn't know he was hardcore, because he got it tattooed on his neck just in case you didn't know.

20. Our grocery list. Nothing but candy and tampons.

21. The sink. Hot facet. Cold facet. You just don't understand unless you have been through it.

22. The shower(s). Which one today will give me warmth? How will I get clean, because I can't move.

23. The kitchen. huh it's possible to lose your appetite in a kitchen.

24. Not having a key one time when I came to Hannah's apartment. After ringing the door bell someone answered but I couldn't find him. Being me, I looked up instead of around the building. I don't know exactly what I was expecting by looking up. I felt like a retard. Who knew that door was there?

25. And for my Study abroad girls...... THE WHISTLES. lol. oh how I miss the whistles and honks.

I wish I could go into detail about all my time there. Because I loved every minute of it. I love being away from home and seeing new things and having new adventures. Not only that I got to hang out with Hannah a lot. Although she mostly made fun of me and took pictures of me being an embarrassment, I still like her ;). So instead of boring you with most of my stories I am going to post a bunch a pictures. England is beautiful.


Little time in little Vilseck

Ok so I want to first apologize about my last blog. I know that it was long, but I have the worst memories of all times. I get depressed knowing that I forget the good times I have in my life. And I am horrible at keeping a journal, so I thought blogging would be a good way to keep some of my memories with me.... I also apologize for how long this one is. But there is a lot in my head that wants out. So here I write...

I may have been a little confusing on my last blog because I dove into the middle of a story. I never explained why I was in Europe in the first place... Europe is my key out of my realistic life. I like being away from home. It helps me feel more free. I have always felt controlled and chained down. Like who I am, what I think, and what I do has always been decided for me. I always thought I knew who I was and where I was going. I don't know what made me so sure. I decided I needed to have my own experiences, and find out who I want to be. I love being all over the world seeing new things and meeting new people, they teach me so much. It is crazy how different everyone is and I think that each person you meet paints a little part of your painting. I love to learn how people became themselves, creating there thoughts, beliefs, and over all, their lives. And I love that I can live a new life here without any judgments of who I have been. I am not ready for the cage of normal routine life... I could talk all day of my fear of permanence, but I am mostly afraid that the one thing I want most to stay the same, will never be made permanent.

The past few weeks have been extremely hard. Some horrible things happened and I decided that it was time for me to come back to Europe. Me and my parents were already planning a trip to Europe in a couple of weeks, but I decided that I needed to have this experience alone. Not just Europe, but Vilseck, Germany to be exact. Jan and I have spent a total of two months in each others company. And we have known each other for two years this July. We had never had time alone, because his visits were always short ones and it was necessary to spend all of the time with family and friends. So I thought this would be a good time to finally have a little time alone, for us.

I changed my ticket and I was ready to go. I was unsure about this whole trip and I was quite nervous as my mom dropped me off at the airport. And repacking my bag at the airport would be the first hint of how my trip was going to go. He said my bag was so heavy that I would have to buy a duffel bag and repack or pay 300 dollars extra. I went with the bag. And the old man helped me repack. I boarded the plane and I was off. I didn't know exactly what to do or why I was going but it was where I needed to be. I was scared out of my mind. I had been dreaming about it for days. The only good thing I was holding onto was my dreams, because when I was awake, only the worst seemed to be played out in my mind. I wouldn't be worried for long though as I get put next to a 27 year old German that insisted on talking to me the entire flight to Germany. (I don't know which would be worse, worrying or trying to understand him for 9 hours). I finally arrived in Frankfurt hoping that Jan was meeting me there.. It is a strange thing seeing each other after being separated for so long. We have done this a couple times before and it has always felt a little strange finally seeing someone that you are always are thinking about but never see. It's like the unreal steps out of your dreams. It had only been two months this time since we had seen each other, but it had seemed much longer and harder then that. Time has never been on our side.

I will not give all the details of my time in Germany, in fear of who reads this blog. But it would have been a good story to tell. The way to Vilseck was beautiful! There is a bunch of hills with fields and forest. And then little villages with all kinds of brightly colored houses. I wish I would have taken some pictures so I could have shown you the beauty Germany holds... It is kind of funny how the base works. Its like a little piece of America was moved there, but all the Germans guard the base like they care about it or something. I don't think I will ever understand the Germans... This trip meant a lot to me because I was able to see a part of Jan's life. It was interesting. I met a lot of his army friends, and I liked some of them lol. One in particular, and I like to call him Promiscuous Trevor. He is another version of Jan. They will both be mad if they find out I write this, but I think it's cute how close they are. And for all of you that know Jan, I am sorry to say there is another one just like him in the world. haha. And for all those that know Jan's imitation voice, Trevor does the same one. I am not going to lie, it scared me a little the first time I heard him do it. Even though we had to fight over attention for the same person, we somehow managed to become friends.

We didn't get to do a whole lot there but that doesn't mean I didn't have a good time. It doesn't take a lot to entertain me. One of my favorite times was grocery shopping. If you are like me you really just picture mothers with kids shopping. Never two guys like Jan and Trevor pushing a shopping cart along fighting over oreos. It was very entertaining for me... Also we left the base to go to church one Sunday. Jan was not happy because we couldn't find it for an over and hour, but I enjoyed every minute of being lost because it was such a cute little city. I promise to get pictures somehow so you can see what I mean.. Another good time was going to dinner with a couple of couples and a 3 year old that knew how to beat people up. I got kangaroo and Jan got crocodile. I was a little shocked because they brought it out raw and bleeding but then I realized you had to cook it yourself on the hot stone. It was sooooooo good. I hope I can go back there one day.

I was planning to stay there a lot longer, but only after being there a few days Jan was told he had to leave to a leadership camp right away. And he would be gone for a month. So I had to leave the next day... Aka my story on my blog right before this.

I hope I can go back soon. Because in those short days there, I found out where I belong, what I want permanent in my life, and what home really means to me.

Love may be the only escape and the key to into a life worth living.


"Ohhh. She's English. Haha."

It has been awhile since this blog has been written on sadly. There has been different reasons for that, but I thought it was time for a new post. A lot has been going on. Some good, some bad, but I thought you might like to hear about some of the 'adventures' we have been going through the last couple of weeks.

A lot of you might have not known that I decided to hop on a plane to see Jan. I will tell you all about my time in Germany and getting there in another post. But first I will share my 'awesome experience' of randomly going to England while it is fresh on my mind. It was not exactly part of the plan. There was never really a plan, but I will get to that later...

It all began at the train station in Nuremberg. Trevor and Jan took me there and we got a parking spot and were trying to figure out how to work the parking ticket machine when a lady was pulling in right next to it. She ran into the poll that was by us and we were like "bummer". She gets out of the car murmuring in German. We told her we didn't speak German. Then she continues in English how we made her run into the poll and we were in the way, how could we let her do that. We all just kinda stood there a little shocked. I was amazed how she twisted it and blamed it on us. Jan and Trevor didn't take it very well. lol. Then she asked why we were just standing there and told us she would not help us with the machine because she obviously did not like us... yeah..So we went inside and we found an information desk where we got me a train into Frankfurt. The guy helping us did not put Jan at ease because he said it was not safe for me to be alone at certain stations. I was ready for anything though.. We decided to have one last meal before I headed off and we ate at the famous McDonald's, but don't worry, in Europe its actually quite good... Then it was time for me to leave. I was not very happy about it. Jan took me out to the platform and I tried to convince him that I could fit in his suit case so he could take me with him. He disagreed, so I gave up. The train arrived and he helped me get my stuff on board. ( I need to take the time to explain what I actually had with me so you can better visualize what I went through. I must also say first that I was not planning on roaming Europe all by myself so I didn't think to pack light. I had one giant sized suit case with at least 50 pounds or more of stuff, one duffel bag with at least 30 pounds in it, my purse, and my very heavy lap top bag. Now please, throughout this story, remember me carrying all this). Jan rolled on my suitcase and my trip started off with a bang. I went to lift it up and the handle broke. He then lifted it up for me and put it on the overhead racks. (Sorry to keep interrupting my story but I think it is necessary so you can really visualize this journey. For those that haven't been on a European train, there is not a lot of room on these trains. The trains are used for travel, but they are not made for travel. They very inconveniently didn't put into consideration that we would have extremely heavy and over sized suit cases with us. There are narrow aisles and OVERHEAD compartments for some luggage. I stress on overhead because you have to be strong to actually lift the stupid things above your head and squish them in the tiny space. Anyway continuing with my story). The train was about to leave so Jan was rushing to get off. We didn't get time to really say goodbye. As if this whole trip hadn't been enough like the movies, this next part was just another heart breaking scene. I stood on the door of the train while the engines rev up and he stands there and holds my hand and kisses me goodbye and quickly says certain things and says his goodbyes. And the train is off...

I try not to think about what just happened because in our relationship we have had a lot of goodbyes. Too many goodbyes. And we never get used to them, they never seem to get any easier. No relationship should have to go through a constant fear of goodbyes. We haven't been lucky enough yet to have what everyone else has, the pleasure of being together. We are left to wonder when the next time we will get to say hello, but we are left knowing it will not be soon enough. All we can do is hope that it will all be over soon.

As the train leaves the station I decided I needed to find a seat but the Germans were not being any help and none of them would let me sit next to them. I didn't want to stray too far from my suit case either. I finally reach this guy and he moved over so I mutter and motioned to him if I could sit next to him. He nods and says yes. I take a quick glance at him and he says where are you from. In my head I say "Thank heavens and American! Ah." So we begin talking and conveniently he was there for military work. He was really nice so we talked for some time and he also had another friend on the train that was there for work too. He was in the Army for 6 years but got injured in Iraq so now he travels around to train army men. He was actually headed to Jan's base in a few days. Small world. It was nice to have someone to talk to so I could take my mind off things. Jan told me I was not allowed to talk to any males, but I decided to break the rules that once. But of coarse everything couldn't go right and after an hour or so I got kicked out of my seat by some old people... My ride was coming to an end so I thought I should go attempt to get my bag down. I didn't want to do it while the train was rocking back and forth because I didn't think a German would have wanted a suit case on their head. (I think that would have been the better scenario). It stops and get my suitcase down and struggle with my other three bags. I hit every elbow in the way and every eye was on me. I decided not to make eye contact while I continued to hit people. Then as I almost make it to the compartment door when this guy getting on the train stands there waiting to get past me. He is an idiot. This is a one way aisle. I don't know where in the hell he thought I was going to go, but I needed to get off that freaking train before it left that station. I sat there waiting for him to move and he kept talking to me in German and this lady sitting next to us was talking too. I think I let the words "I'm sorry slip" and he said some more stuff in German and all I understood was "Oh she's English...haha..blah blah" I could have taken him down, but I was in too much of a hurry, and finally I barely got off, as my bags went flying everywhere.

I was in the airport. Now I had to figure out how to get a ticket to England. I didn't even think you could buy a ticket out of the airport, because who doesn't buy their ticket before hand. Oh yeah, me. I had seen Amazing Race, so I knew it was possible. Thank goodness for reality tv. I think I should totally go on that show... Anyway this airport was confusing, I had been there before but I had a ticket then. So I found an information desk and he directed me where to go. But then it was an airport full of Lufthansa flights. Luckily some one directed me to a bus that would take me to British Airways. Once I found the airlines they helped me find a flight for that night but I could check in one bag for 23kg and it was 28 ish. So yet again, I was stuck in front of the check-in desk repacking. Finally I did it really fast not paying attention to what I was sticking into my duffel bag. All I was thinking about is how much my stupid duffel bag weighed and I dragged it along to find my terminal. I found it pretty easily and there wasn't a line so I was pretty excited. Then I started to get a little queezy as I realized what I had put in my duffel bag. Oh freakin no. My hairspray. (If you know me at all, you will know that nothing comes between me and my hairspray). So I asked the security guy, as I was putting my carry on stuff in the buckets, if it was going to be a problem. "Eh oh eh" he said as he made a disgusted, worried face. I thought to myself "Awesome". Then I went through the scanners and I went off. And again I started beeping as the man or women (I couldn't really tell) scanned me. Then I reached in my pocket and then a flash back of earlier that day came into my mind. At the platform Jan pulled his euro coins out of his pocket and gave them to me just in case I needed them. I told him I would be ok, but he insisted. Thanks Jan, for making me look even more suspicious. Lol. Then came the stares yet again. As they motioned me over because of my duffel bag. She made me open it and then I remembered ALL of my bathroom supplies were in there. Awesome. Both of the security guards began to "tsk" and give me looks as they went through my stuff. Shampoo, conditioner, lotion, shaving gel, HAIRSPRAY, and so on. They put it all in the trash. All of it. But of coarse I had some scissors in there too, but did they take those away? Absolutely not, because why would scissors be a threat when I had shampoo with me. Idiots... So I walk up to my gate when I noticed a questionable amount of Asians around me. I always enjoyed Asians since my study abroad, but why were so many of them going to London?.. Why would they be going to London, why would I even think they were going there. This was my gate, so I looked up at the sign and it said 'Destination: Tokyo'. ..I stood still, taking a breath as I convinced myself not to kill someone. I put a smile on my face and walked up to the Asian flight assistant that seemed to be smiling too much. She looked at me with a little giggle and said "This you gate, but you too early". Awesome. I don't own a watch, but there is nowhere to go, so I took a seat next to the gate and entertained myself by watching all the Asians for the next few hours... So I wait and wait... "hmmm 30 minutes till my flight leaves and yet, no one is there... Strangely enough we make it on time. I got in my seat and everything was swell. No one was in the seat next to me and they even gave us some sandwiches. But then all hell breaks lose. We were flying over Germany and I realized what just happened. I just said another goodbye to Jan, and this plane was taking me further from him. Then the tears started to come. Awesome. (I don't like to cry in front of people. So this was not good at all). I hate saying goodbye and I was not ready to leave. It was to late to do anything about it now.

We are now in London and it is 11 o'clock at night. I was tired and I drag my 2000 pound bag behind me as I walk to border control/customs people. As I walk up to him he jokingly say "What do you have in that bag, gold?" "Sure feels like it." He put me at ease so I thought it was okay to joke a little with him. Wrong. My last experience with these guys they made me question who I am as a person. "What are you studying in America? Why haven't you picked a major? Why are you studying Art History here if that is not your major? Why does your family live there?" (If you think I am kidding or exaggerating, I am telling the complete honest truth, they really ask you ridiculous questions like this). They make you feel guilty, almost like are you smuggling something in this country and you should not be there or all hell will break lose.. This time I practically told him my whole life story. "Why don't you know how long you will be here? Why does your ticket say you are leaving out of Frankfurt? Is someone picking you up from the airport? Why are you going to Leicester? How did you meet this friend? Why is your fiancee living in Germany? Why did he have to go to that leadership camp? Why would he let you come here?"... And it went on from there. No joke. We are practically good friends now, except for the fact that I think he hates me. Finally after thousands of questions about why I am the way I am, he let me into the ridiculous country. I proceeded to get my bags. Then as I went to pull it off, I noticed that the airport had broken the other handle. Both handles broken. Awesome. I was glad the airport was empty as I awkwardly removed my suitcase from the track. Next plan of action: Get into a hotel so my mom doesn't kill me for wondering around England in the middle of the night. I walked up to the ornery hotel service lady and she tells me all of my crappy options that costs a whole lot of $$$$$. (Except in pounds but I am not sure how to type that). I agreed to take a bus to an expensive hotel that it was near the airport. So I patiently wait in the freezing cold with a bunch of questionable men. Finally over an hour later the bus comes. It was finally nice to walk into somewhere I felt safe. They were expecting me and knew exactly who I was. (Maybe they had talked to the border control friend). I head to my room and go to turn on the lights. Click, click, click, click. Walk walk. Click Click Clickkkkkk. Click, click click click. "You have got to be kidding." Walk, walk, walk. "Excuse me, I have a stupid question." "Okay" "Why can't I turn on my lights." "You have to have to put your key in the card holder to make them work." Smile Smile. "Awesome." I had not been to Europe very long ago but I swear I had completely forgotten all the ridiculous, unnecessary things you have to do in these countries to make things work. I had learned a lot from my last trip, but I couldn't seem to remember any of it. And I get to make a fool of myself because of my forgetfulness. But I had somewhat gotten used to all the awkward, burning stares and was just super excited to see how the next day was going to go. I decided that I should probably let a couple people know I am somewhat alive. I saw some computers on the way in, and I paid a lot of pounds to stay here, so they should be free. Why would I ever think that. So I paid to use it for a quick half hour. But this was also another frustrating story that I am just going to skip over.

I wake up confused and then all the memories come flooding back to me. I get anxious to see how many Europeans I will offend today. Goal for today: Get to Hannah in one piece. Not sure how to get from Arora Inn to Leicester, so this should be interesting. I talked to the employees at the Inn and I ask where the train station is. They tell me what bus I need to catch to get to West Drayton. Ok that is easy enough... Wrong. I sit at the bus stop, and it is still cold. As I read the sign for the bus it is supposed to come every 13 mins, so I am good, I won't be cold for long. Wrong again. I patiently sit there waiting and then my bus comes my way. I get ready to hull my bag aboard. Woooshhh. Umm. There goes the bus, it didn't even hit the breaks, just went right past me. So there I sat wondering. "Why did it just pass me? Maybe it was the wrong bus." Then I continue to sit. Then it starts approaching again. Woooosh. "Hmmm. It didn't stop again. I am sitting here freezing... Wait why hasn't any buses stopped here? This is a bus STOP. Maybe there is a button I need to push or something." I look around, no button. Then I look to the top where it says "Request stop". In all my time in Europe I have never ran into a request stop bus. So that is not a lesson I have forgotten, but I knew lesson I must never forget. I finally realize you have to flag down the bus in order for it to stop. Another hours wait at the bus stop. Awesome. After flagging him down I climb aboard and him and all the other passengers give me that wonderful stare I had been missing since the day before. They loved me as I passed them and my bags fell on top of two passengers. The bus driver was very curitous though as he waited to start the bus until I was situated. I gave him a thumbs up. I was dropped off at the Train Station in West Drayton, but it looked more like an old hole in the wall pub, then a train station. It worried me a little. I again got lucky when I found a very nice man selling the tickets. I told him I had to get from this train station to Leicester. He did not seem to have a problem with it like everyone else, but was very helpful. He printed out my stops and what I needed to take where, and even gave me a return pass for a pound more. He told me what platform and I was off. And that is where the blisters began. Stairs. No Escalators. No Handles on giant suit case. Perfect Mixture. Again as luck would have it, a nice man found me struggling with my 80+ pounds and carried it up for me. Sadly that would be the last time I would meet a stranger willing to carry my suit case up flights of stairs. I also didn't realize how much fun my transportation would be for that day. Bus, train, underground, train, bus. Lots of stairs... I take the first bus to my first stop and from there find which underground route would get me to St. Pancrus. It was a Saturday afternoon, not the smartest time to be running around with a lot of bags in the middle of the Underground. I attempt my first set of stairs and I sit there wondering why they would not have escalators in a place where people would do a lot of traveling. Again, someone was not thinking very smart. My hands where getting beaten up. But finally I make it to the Undergroud and ask a nice man for a map so I can find where St. Pancrus is. I sat there for a while and I couldn't find it, finally he comes back up to me and says "Do you need some help?" I guess I am not good at hiding my confusion. Little did I know, Kings Cross and St. Pancrus is the same stop, as he points out. Dumby. I make my way onto the Underground (as I continue to hit people and make my blisters worse as I climb the never ending stairs). I had been to Kings Cross before and it is actually quite pretty and open. It also had escalators. I was happy to be there again. This time I would not be getting to see platform 9 3/4 though. I easily found where my train departed from and double check my paper. "Ah, my train doesn't leave for another hour and a half, I thought I was late." I should have triple checked. My bad. I didn't mind the wait. I was enjoying people watching as they got on and off the trains. I decided I really did belong in Europe. They have such great style. They always look so good and they are not afraid to be them. Its not like in America were they all wear boring clothes and you always see everyone in sweats... (An hour and a half passes) "Why is my train not on the sign? Why does it not exist? Leaves at 14:29. There is a 14:25 and 14:30, but no 14:29. Information desk here I come." So I walk up to the desk and wait in line and I guess I had my confused look on again because some guy came up to me and asked me what I needed help with. I told him my problem and another smile came my way. "13:15 departure time. Arrive time 14:29. You are late for your train, you missed it." Awesome. I was used to looking dumb at this point, it was all coming too easy now. "Oops. hmm. Well is there another train leaving to Leicester that I could take?" "Well probably not, but that depends on your ticket miss" "I was given this ticket" (Thank heavens for the nice man at the first train station! I think he knew that I would probably screw everything up and he was looking out for me). "Well then yes, with that ticket you can board any train. This train here leaves for Derbyshire, but you can get off at Leicester. It will actually get you there more quickly." Woot woot. I am not stuck here and Hannah here I come. I had a little easier time boarding this train and picked a seat right by the door so I wouldn't have an experience like from the day before. An hour later I arrive to my final destination: Leicester. More stairs. Ticket wouldn't let me out of the station. After dealing with those problems I ran into one more problem. Hannah doesn't know I am here, and I don't know where she is. Hannah, bless her soul, gave me her phone number the night before and I tried calling her on some phone I found. It didn't work the first two times. Third times the charm. "Hello?" "Hannah! Thank goodness its you! Umm, I am acutally in Leicester." Surprise! Lol. My bad again... 20 minutes later she came to rescue me. And we took another bus to her place of residence. And she took me right away to get some sugar. I had been in lack of sugar for a couple weeks at that point and I needed it bad. Thank heavens she understood.

It was so good to see someone I knew. It had only been a over 24 hours. But a long 24 hours. I actually didn't mind it that much. I like a little adventure here and there, but I would have liked it if I didn't have 80+ pounds dragging behinding me. I wasn't planning to roam around Europe so I didn't think to pack like I had last time. I like to live by the girl scout motto "Be prepared" but in all my next trips to Europe, I will never live by there rule again. Just in case.


Me being Optomistic.

Yes sadly, this is yet another post from me Jackie. I write this hoping that it will motivate Jan to write one. He wants me to update the blog, but since my life is so wildly exciting, I don't know exactly what I should write. I really wanted to motivate him, so not only am I posting a blog but I updated the whole entire blog. (Jan I hope your proud, and I cross my fingers that you will blog more often now:) )..

Since I last posted not a lot has happened.... My parents and I were lucky enough to babysit my niece and nephew (Payton and Paige) while Aubrey and Mike when on a snowmobile trip. This house is not very exciting, so putting those two kids in it was a lot of fun. My parents love playing Grandma and Grampa so it's funny watching them cater to their every need. My favorite is watching my Dad play hide and seek with all of the grand kids. I love watching my Dad get into interesting places and interesting positions to hide himself. Another example of the power my nieces and nephew have over them, is seen in this picture:

Yes it's true. A tent in my living room. I am not going to lie though, I may have taken a small nap in the tent. But it is not my fault. I was only watching Horton Hears a Who with Payton, and if you know me well enough, you know that I can not last long in animation. I got woken up at the end of the movie by a little voice saying "Jack you didn't stay up for the whole movie."... I felt bad, but maybe third times a charm for that movie....

Also on Monday my Mom and I decided to fight the snowstorm and go to the Open house of the new temple in Draper. I went to the open house of the Bountiful temple when I was younger, but I don't remember very much from it. Being a kid, I mainly remember saying hi to my mom (she was volunteer paramedic) and the booties we had to put over our shoes. But that pretty much sums up my memory. So it was exciting to have another opportunity to go inside the temple again. Everything was so gorgeous. Even though it has not been dedicated yet, you could feel the spirit so strong. We got to just sit in the Celestial room and think. It made me so excited for when I will be able to go though it with Jan. It made me miss the temple too because the last time I went was in the Madrid temple and that was far to long ago. We also got sit in one of the sealing rooms. Naturally as I walked in I scoped out the seat I wanted to sit in and I as I went to sit my mom goes "You know, that is exactly where the bride sits." I guess that seat is calling to me ;). I think one of the best experiences we had there was when we were in the sealing room, there was a really old lady in a wheel chair and she wanted to stand up to see in the mirrors. So they struggled to get her up and when she looked in them she started to tremble and cry and she covered her mouth with her hand. She simply said "It's so beautiful" in a gentle, whispering voice. She was so happy to be in there. I really don't like to cry especially in public, but I really had to fight the tears. I love seeing the happiness things like the temple brings people..... I think the temple really connects your heart and your mind together. You get in there and you wish you could give everyone the feeling you are feeling. Lots of things are so hard to understand or don't make sense at all, but when you are in there, it's ok that you don't understand everything. All you have to know is that you are in the right place. Everything is clear and calm.... After the temple was me and my mom's favorite part, refreshments! Dang genetics... (And ignore that my eyes are closed in the picture. My mom is way good at telling me when she is taking the picture).

I think if there was one word to describe me right now it would definitely be nostalgic. I couldn't be more homesick. You might call me crazy because I am home now (and I have been for a very long time) but I have had a lot of time to think. And it finally hit me when I was in relief society. They were doing a spot light on an older lady and they asked her if she could go anywhere, where would she go. I sat there, and my mind raced to all these different places I can't wait to see, like Turkey, Africa, Egypt, New Zealand, China, Japan, Russia... (so on and so forth).... and her reply was "I would just rather be at home. I like to be at home." I just sat there wide eyed and thought to myself that lady is definitely crazy... Then I sat there some more and thought to myself when it hit me. What people call their home, is not the same for me. Yes I live here (and I have my whole life) but to me the world is my home. Everywhere but here is my home. "Home is where the Heart is." The world has my heart. One of my biggest fears is having a "normal life". People crave that kind of thing, but not me. I hate being chained down when there is a whole world out there waiting to be shared. Why do we always have to be in the back seat? Why do we always have to hear about these places and see pictures of them, but why can't we go see them? (lol and lets put the whole money thing to the side right now so I can continue my train of thought). I think the world holds so many experiences and lessons! There is so many different people, with so many different ideas, so many cultures.... and lets not for get, art. There is so much art to see. I am crazy for art. Individuality is so interesting and art brings that alive! Through art you can tell so much about a person, and their views of the world. Art is a treat for the soul.... but now I am getting off subject. I want to see the world and experience everything I can, we only get one shot. Just this one life. I want to experience the world so it can shape who I am. My experience abroad was one of the best experiences I have ever had because I was, for the first time, almost truly happy. The only thing that kept it from being "truly happy" instead of "almost", was Jan of coarse. Too bad he couldn't be there with me... It was so nice to get away from everything I have ever known. The only thing missing was Jan and my nieces and nephew. If it wasn't for them I would have "missed my plane." By the end of the trip I was ready to meet the rest of the world and strangely enough, I was the only one not missing home. Because I was finally home.

Speaking of Europe, I got to hang out with a couple of my bestest friends from Europe. I love them to death. Me and a few of the girls clicked within one day of the trip and you couldn't separate us after that. It was meant to be. They definitely made the trip worth it... But a couple of weeks ago we went an saw Bride Wars (my second time). And it was still good. But we saw Previews for He's Just Not that Into You and we had to go see it. It was so so good! And it has made its way up to the top of my list! A romance comedy that I think guys could definitely handle (wink wink Jan). I can't wait to see it again.

Well enough from me. I wish I had some magical story for you but everything is just the same. I go to work sometimes, eat, sleep, wait by my phone hoping to hear from Jan, and sit at my computer. I even mixed things up a little today and cleaned my room. Amazing, I know. I wish I had an update for the wedding or something about me and Jan but we haven't really talked much lately, so hopefully that will change soon. But in our short conversations we talk about how we both just need to cheer up and be optomistic about our situation. So this post is dedicated to a few things that make me a little happier to live life...


End of the month

well it is the end of the month, it is hard to say that it has only been a couple of weeks! But now to brighter subjects! since jackie has posted so much on this blog i thought i would join in and put in my two cents! by now u all know we are getting married we still don't have a date but i am sure we will come up with one soon! this week was supposed to be my weekend of of snowboarding but now i found my self in my room for the weekend due to some stupid ice that got in my way of dashing out the door! all is well though, don't worry to much i will be back on my feet in no time! so in stead of snowboarding me and my good buddy josh are taking scuba lessons starting monday, i have never been but always have wanted to go! we are just getting certified so we will be in a pool, i would love to do some scuba in the ocean but only if all the sharks stay to one side of the ocean! since that is never going to happen looks like i am limited to the pool but it is still cool! maybe one day i will man up and face the sharks.....but unlikely! it has been a long long week, me and jackie don't talk a whole much due to time diffrence, work, my pills (they make me goofy) and i am tired alot so.....we don't talk a whole lot but we are still hanging in there. we are looking foward to planning this wedding and i can not wait to get started! well i am not very good at these things, jackie is a lot better than me but i figured i should write one or two! take care!


Do we have to take her home?

Tuesday we got a little gift from heaven! My sister-in-law Kristyn was started Tuesday so she could have her second little girl, Brooklyn Sage Steele. So I woke up early to go take care of their other little girl, Kali Jade. Me and Kal are buddies. Its been hard because they used to live in our basement apartment and she would wake me up in the mornings by knocking on the door yelling "walkie!" till I came and got her. Even though its been only a few days, its sad how quiet its gotten here since they moved... But she was very good to me all day, she didn't even use her high pitched scream. Better yet, she even was wispering some of the day, oddly enough.

Brookie was born around noon and she only weighed 5 lbs 15 oz and 20.5 inches! My brother Ryan sent me a picture telling me she was born so i had to show Kali, haha I did not expect her reaction. I had been trying to warm her up to the idea of a baby sister all day because little did she know, that her whole world was going to come crashing down... I wish I could explain her reaction, but you just had to be there. (If you know Kali, she has her looks down, even for her young age of 2). She looked at the picture with a mixture of emotion: disgust, frightened, confused.. and she mumbled/sighed/grunted/wined.

We went to the hospital and she was scared of the whole situation. It took her a while even to go see her Dad. She did a quick hello to her mom and then we left. I tried to warm her up to the idea again before we went back, and she took a little nap. She got a little more excited but then as we got there again she was overwhelmed. She did not want to leave my side. They let me hold her and I finally got Kali to come see her too and sort of hold her. But everyone was so excited she got shy again... but then Daddy came to the resuce and she started thinking "maybe this wont be too bad..."


Us Against Gravity

Another week passes were Jan is not feeling good. Sadly its always a variety of things... He got the call that his results were in (X-rays of his back) and he had to go meet with the doctor to see what the plan of action would be. So he was rushing to get there when gravity plus+ice took a toll on his back and yet again he was taken to the hospital. This did not help his situation. His back is going to give up on him if he keeps it up lol... We are still unsure what the verdict is because the doctor was German... Looking for the good in the situation, he is excited he gets another week off of work to recover...... but he is still wants to go on his snowboarding trip next week. ah... hopefully he gets feeling better soon!


Some one must have accidently pushed the slow motion button

Here I am again. Jan kept asking why I have not updated the blog. I reminded him that it was his turn since I did three in a row, he had to do three in a row, so he still had two more to go before I had to write anything. But I am a sucker for him so of coarse I gave in. (Hopefully it encourages him to write more). So here I go....

This time apart has been killing us. And it hasn't even been two weeks yet! And I still have about 54 days until I get to see him again :( Our story is a little bit different then everyone elses. Some people call it crazy, but I call it love. We meet each other a year and a half ago and out of all of that time we have only gotten the opportunity to see each other for a total of two months. So you should understand that time to us is very precious, and when we are together it means the world to us. I cant wait to spend a few days with him in Europe. But i am even more excited to get married to him so I can say good night and good morning everyday, instead of hoping for a phone call each day. .... we got so lucky to spend a whole month together I wanted to share some pictures and write a little about some of the good times that we had when he was here.....

This is the only picture we took of picking him up from the airport. Sad i know. Its not even of Jan.. but we get so excited to pick him up! But we felt a little bad because we were all standing in a circle talking when he arrived and luckily Hali sorta said something. It wasn't the most graceful pick up ever. Sorry Jan.

These looks are a usual for the boys. Tim with his creepy looks and Jan loosing control of his tongue.. We went to the pie in Salt lake with Jan's family, lol which was a good time, (thank you Hali) even though there was mention of the pink pussies and a wonderful chorus of "I'm too sexy for my shirt"... but once was not enough so we went back with Ang and Tim to have the amazing pizza!

Jan's birthday dinner! His family knows how to cook!

Miniature golf. "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye". We started out with a serious/fun game of golf. But some holes got quite frustrating. Lets just say getting some of our balls in their stupid golfing contraptions got a little violent sometimes. It wasn't as it easy as it looked. Some of us got a little too frustrated.

To the asians, building a snowman/women is no joke. (unless you pull out the questionable looking carrort) but it had to be 4 balls high and we even needed a ladder and many adults. It also couldn't be complete without asian slants and guns.

This is one of my favorite pictures. Aunt Janet is giving me and Jan a little push. haha.

Jan, Hali, and Hannah decided to create hoodlumism on neighbors snow. Lets just say they aren't as good as they once were.

Luckily when I took Jan on my surprise date to the Roof restaurant I had a sweet hookup so we got an amazing seat! It was really fun, and I even got Jan to eat a stuff mushroom that was to die for! (I guess some would say he is a sucker for me too).

Tree hunting with Jan's family made me realize how well I fit in with them. They are as indecisive as I am. Not one of Jan's favorite qualities about me.

Me kicking Jan's butt at one of my favoirte rides in Disney land. My game face is on.

Me and Jan being men. I decided that was the first and the last time i would have one of those.

We got lucky with the extra time so we decided it would be fun to take my nephew Payton sledding. The car ride turned out to be 10 times longer then the sledding trip. It was his first time going and he was a natural! Payt was kicking our butts!

In the end just being together was the best time! Sometimes doing nothing was more then enough... Jan is still in Germany. He is still trying to get used to things there. I am still here in Utah. I am still trying to be okay with him being gone. I wish we could say we are fantastic, but I guess we have to climb over the hill to get there first.......... As for the wedding, not much progress has been made. lol. A lot of ideas have been put out on the table though. But we are just working on the main things. Date, dress, place... Wish us luck.. We will need it............. ( PS. Jan its your turn. How do you feel about a girl beating you. You should try to catch up and write the next few).